I’ll preface this list by saying that I KNOW you’ll look at each one of these, and immediately think of a pre-existing exception. So I’ll clarify my intentions. This is a list highlighting what should not be done EVER AGAIN. Even if it was a good idea once.

10 Critical Songwriting DON’Ts

1. Unless you’re a woman named Maria, do not put any women in your songs named Maria.
2. Do not write about, or even mention, walking on water.
3. Do not write genre songs about a genre (e.g. do not write a blues song ABOUT blues music; do not write a rock n’ roll song ABOUT rock n’ roll music, do not write a jazz song ABOUT jazz music, etc.)
4. Do not write songs about waitresses or prostitutes with hearts of gold.
5. Unless you’re younger than 11, do not ever use the word “hater” in a lyric, or mention any social media platforms.
6. Do not co-write with Diane Warren.
7. Unless you’re Van Morrison, do not write choruses made up of words that are not words (Sussudio and Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, I’m looking at you)
8. Do not straight up copy someone else’s song and say you wrote it (Led Zeppelin, I’m looking at you)
9. If you’re a comedian, don’t write songs. (Pay special attention to this order. It’s not necessarily a DON’T if you go the other direction.)
10. Do not rhyme “love” with “dove.”

Abide by these rules. Thank you.